Inside my head everything happens. Everything I want, and everything I don't want. Everything that screams the truth and every other imaginable thing. With these thoughts, I feel most at home. I don't mind being alone, but I find myself wondering when I will stop being alone. The last few months I have wanted someone to share my world with, share my head with. I have quite the brain, always figuring out the ways of others, the way of myself. I am good at this. Very good at this. I strip down the walls that people build to mask their truth, strip down myself until I am nothing but thought, which is all we are anyway. We act on our thoughts, live through our thoughts, are hindered by them. Emotion, a byproduct of these thoughts, becomes the very product of our lives. To me, you think what you are, or are what you think. It is up to us to become our thoughts and share this legacy with the world. It is up to us to break down our fear into moments of thought. I'm not saying that fear isn't healthy...like one of my fears, miserable physical pain, this keeps me from doing things like attempting standing backflips and jumping over moving cars...this is a healthy fear, because even though we are thought, we are housed in a body that doesn't understand the vast opportunity of our mind. I am often misunderstood as rude or any other number of negative qualities, this is because people are afraid of themselves, afraid of their mind. Our mind is just a labyrinth we must master, find the path that gives us a reasonable and pleasant outcome. As with any labyrinth, fear is the opponent, if we allow fear to win we remain in that miserable and unending place. If we allow ourselves the power to know fear is but a byproduct of moments of thought, we are granted freedom, freedom from ourselves, and from the world at large. Given the option most people will acquiesce to what is "comfortable", what is normal to them...I think as humans we fear the unknown, and failure more than anything else. If one allows themselves to transcend these thoughts we are but birds floating over the miasma marveling at what we are truly capable of. There is one thing that I have not mastered with thought, and that is love of another.
I have made the life I want for myself, mastered my fear, and have realized I am capable of anything I desire in this world...except for a mate. This is not something my mind can materialize for me. I recently met a man who decided that he was ready to meet someone who would love him for everything he was, he did a sort of ceremony to will this person to him, this person was me...I will not go so far as to say I love him, but I understand him, I understand his journey and know that he will find his path, I am accepting and compassionate, caring and all other things a person desires as a human, there is one problem, he is afraid, he has not allowed himself freedom, and this in turn means it will never work. He brought to him all he wanted through the power of thought, and can't seem to accept what lies in front of him. I have done no such ceremony, and have little desire to do so, but I still find it fascinating that someone who had the power to do such a thing is too terrified of the reality of it to let it work. I too wish for someone who will understand me, who can follow the path of my mind, who knows my freedom and is free themselves. People continue to say that I am young, that I will find this person, and perhaps I will, but I feel as if I am old, I feel like my time on this earth is short, and I would like to spend as much of this time with someone who understands the journey as I do. Living life everyday to be free, to be happy, to take risks that help us grow, learn, progress.
Well, for anyone who reads this, you just viewed part of my brain...hope you enjoyed it and could track it on some level. Til next time. ~H
No comments:
Post a Comment